Monday, April 14, 2008
i feel like now that im not always with matt im hanging out with more friends, my friends, not just his friends that i befriended. i feel a whole lot more independent. ive been going places and doing things alone, well sometimes. ive been relying on more than one person, which is what i used to do with matt. i would rely on him to do everything and go everywhere. i dont miss being that dependent on one person. but i do feel like ive lost a lot of rituals and a few friends. i dont want to be treated badly again by a boyfriend again, i dont want to be the one begging for the guy to come see me. he should want to see me and want to be with me. i was forced into being less dependent which i should have been a long time ago, i was forced to grow up. it wasnt how i would have wished it to happen, but there was no other way that it would have worked on me. although it didnt feel good, i feel like it was something that was necessary. i needed this change, i needed to get out of that relationship. we had reached the point that it was just comfortable and that is probably why we didnt want to change it. we needed something like this. i needed this, although i never would have done it because it was painful and hard to readjust from something that was over 3 years in the making. that was almost a fifth of our lives. we grew up together, and grew apart even though we didnt realize it. we became best friends, and thats the only part right now that i regret, is that we are not friends anymore. the rest was a change for the better.

Karin at 5:20 PM