Tuesday, March 18, 2008
its been more than a year since i last posted on here... a lot has changed since march 6th 2007...
ive been through a lot.
-on march 22, 2007 i turned 19. not an exciting accomplishment, but an accomplishment none the less.
-on april 16, 2007, the shooting at tech. the shooting that changed my school forever. i was in west aj on the first floor. the first shooting happened 3 floors above me. and the other across the drillfield. 32 were killed on that day. everything changed. things that remind us of that day. now because of that day our doors are locked all day long even though he got in when the doors were locked anyways so there was no reason to have our doors locked all day long. every time we bitch about the doors being locked deep down we know the reason and remember that day. there was a test alarm this morning as i walked to class. i was reminded of that day. that day will never be gone from my memory. that horrible day that virginia tech was forever changed will always be with me.
-in august 2007 i went to paris and rome with my mother. we saw so much. so much sight seeing. ate so much ice cream (breakfast, lunch, dinner).
-on august 20, 2007, started my second year at virginia tech. nothing too exciting.
-in february 2008 matt and i broke up, or should i say, matt dumped me. he said he does not trust me, he is disappointed in me, he down right hates me. i always thought that when we broke up again, we would still be able to be friends, but that is definitely not the case. i hate that he hates me. even though he has been when we broke up, hes been saying horrible things about me after we broke up, i really wish i could still be his friend. i guess since we really weren't friends before going out there was nothing really lost, but it makes me think, did i just waste 3 and a half years with him? throw away 3 and a half years of my not so long life? should we have just called it quits after the first time we broke up? why did i have to give him the present when we broke up? why did it not affect me as much, was i already not completely in the relationship anymore? this may sound superficial and not very important, but somehow i have the need to write about it.
i feel like my heart will have a really hard time letting anyone in again. its been hurt too much in the past and it does not want to get hurt again. i don't know if my heart can take any more pain. will i be able to truly love someone as much as i did matt again? is it true that you never forget your first true love? was matt that for me? cuz i have had boyfriends in the past, but never as long as with matt. we did go out for 3 and a half years. nor did they feel like my past relationships actually meant that much, i was young back then, too young to actually know what love was. i mean yea i liked my boyfriends, back then, but i didnt love them, at least not how i loved matt. at least i know what is like to truly love someone and be loved back, or so i think, hope.

i turn 20 in 4 days. i wonder what this new year will bring me. true happiness? sadness? true love? heartbreak again? failure? success? more friends? less friends?
this new year i need to do better in school. get more friends that are girls that go to virginia tech. spend more time on my extracurriculars. i need to be happy.
Karin at 11:44 PM